Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
- Jessie J- Who You Are
I have always been the kind of person who, most of the time, is described as " bubbly" or " happy". It is as if people assume I never have a bad day, like I am always this calm and collected person which couldn't be further from the truth.
But I guess to some extent, I do aid in that misrepresentation of myself. Do not get me wrong: I love being happy, I love to smile. It is one of my most valuable assets( no, seriouly. When I worked as a waitress old ladies would tip me MORE because of my, and I quote, " beautiful smile"...)
I think it's one of our valuable accessories as human beings. With a smile, there is no pressure to apply elaborate make-up and jewellery... because your smile is enough to bring out the beauty that is within you ( excuse me for sounding like a women's column).
But generally, I would say I am happy with my life. Or at least grateful, so there really is always something to smile about everyday. Yet that is not to say I do not get " angry" or upset. And that is what I potray. I hate conflict and all that drama, and I guess sometimes that makes me a doormat. Or at least I may have been a doormat, in school, hiding my true feelings and concealing them with a smile.
For example: there was this boy in my high school class who would always bug me. He would pull pranks on me( for instance, garnering sympathy from me by faking a terminal illness, putting grass in my hair, and other childish so-called teenage boy behaviour). And I would just smile it off. Yes, it was annoying but I did not want to cause any "conflict "or give anyone a reason not to like me...
Which backfired. The thing about being a " doormat", and always going with whatever comes your way, and never saying how you REALLY feel is that people get this idea that they can walk all over you. And they may seem to " like" you because of how easy going you are. Until out of the blue, a sudden bolt of anger flashes out... Your true feelings come out in an unpleasant way because...
once again he was up to his annoying childish tricks. This time he was throwing staples at me or something like that. I cannot exactly remember, but instead of ignoring that or quietly speaking out... I flipped, grabbing the nearest object and throwing something at him, shouting something along the lines of "JUST GROW UP AND STOP ACTING SO IMMATURE"!
The whole class went silent. People stopped talking, writing or whatever else they were preoccupied with because they were just as shocked as I was.
How could I flip out like that?
I am so much better than that!
Then I realised that the reason everyone( myself included) was so shocked at my little outburst, was because it was one of the first times I had actually revealed my " true colours". That I was not some perfect " superhuman" who never got upset, or annoyed or had a bad day. I was human, just like them.
The point is: I had always put on a facade and that made me appear less " real" or relateable. I had bottled all my feelings inside, and then one day when it got to much I got beyond annoyed..
The point: let people like the real you. It is okay to be unhappy about something( I am not saying you must be negative and complain all the time), but do not be fake either.
I think it's one of our valuable accessories as human beings. With a smile, there is no pressure to apply elaborate make-up and jewellery... because your smile is enough to bring out the beauty that is within you ( excuse me for sounding like a women's column).
But generally, I would say I am happy with my life. Or at least grateful, so there really is always something to smile about everyday. Yet that is not to say I do not get " angry" or upset. And that is what I potray. I hate conflict and all that drama, and I guess sometimes that makes me a doormat. Or at least I may have been a doormat, in school, hiding my true feelings and concealing them with a smile.
For example: there was this boy in my high school class who would always bug me. He would pull pranks on me( for instance, garnering sympathy from me by faking a terminal illness, putting grass in my hair, and other childish so-called teenage boy behaviour). And I would just smile it off. Yes, it was annoying but I did not want to cause any "conflict "or give anyone a reason not to like me...
Which backfired. The thing about being a " doormat", and always going with whatever comes your way, and never saying how you REALLY feel is that people get this idea that they can walk all over you. And they may seem to " like" you because of how easy going you are. Until out of the blue, a sudden bolt of anger flashes out... Your true feelings come out in an unpleasant way because...
once again he was up to his annoying childish tricks. This time he was throwing staples at me or something like that. I cannot exactly remember, but instead of ignoring that or quietly speaking out... I flipped, grabbing the nearest object and throwing something at him, shouting something along the lines of "JUST GROW UP AND STOP ACTING SO IMMATURE"!
The whole class went silent. People stopped talking, writing or whatever else they were preoccupied with because they were just as shocked as I was.
How could I flip out like that?
I am so much better than that!
Then I realised that the reason everyone( myself included) was so shocked at my little outburst, was because it was one of the first times I had actually revealed my " true colours". That I was not some perfect " superhuman" who never got upset, or annoyed or had a bad day. I was human, just like them.
The point is: I had always put on a facade and that made me appear less " real" or relateable. I had bottled all my feelings inside, and then one day when it got to much I got beyond annoyed..
The point: let people like the real you. It is okay to be unhappy about something( I am not saying you must be negative and complain all the time), but do not be fake either.
I have realised that the girls( or guys) who seem to " have their stuff together" also suffer from the ocassional doubts and low-points. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle, so I guess as Jessie J ever-so perfectly put it:
" It's okay not to be okay".
Peace and Love
xoxoxo
Imani Dlamini
Peace and Love
xoxoxo
Imani Dlamini
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